july 30th, 2025 - 19h38

today, for the first time, i saw the sprinklers working in the anhangabaú valley, in são paulo. two people were walking past them, and one of them gave a small cry of surprise. they ran away from the water, chatting happily. i took a picture and continued my path, dodging the active sprinkles, seeing the way the water flowed in the pavement, noticing for the first time what those metal plaques on the ground were. the whole floor was cement, sprinklers, leaves, dirt — and now, water.

it made me circle back to a topic that's been on my mind for over a year: the way i go to the same places everyday, the way i see and do things exactly the same - and how things pass me by unnoticed.

i have multiple ways of going to my work. i have mapped the correct cars to enter to in each subway station so that i can exit in front of the stairs; when i think one way is the best for me during a specific time of the year, i keep entering the same door, exiting the same door and going up the same stairs in the same pathway until this route starts to give me trouble.

i always start at the same bus stop: the one closest to home. about a year ago, it moved a few meters away. I liked this change—the bus stop now had a roof, but it was also in a park, with some huge ipê trees. a few weeks ago, they were in bloom, and the wind made all the ipê trees fall to the ground, onto my head, into my bag. they're so beautiful when they fall: they spin perfectly, their petals facing the sky. it's like a ballerina in a downward spiral. and I sat there, waiting for the bus, seeing for the first time something that had always been just around the corner from home and that I had never seen before.

jul 05 2025, 7:25 am

getting home is not so easy and versatile for me - there are fewer ways that don't require much work. for about 2.5 years, i was going back down the same path. i started out accompanied by my colleagues who became great friends, but they all left this crappy job. i’m alone now.

a few months ago, I decided to change my route home. i'd walk through the anhangabaú valley and take a longer route to the subway, but it would involve dealing with fewer people. besides, it was a chance to do some exercise and see… some trees, some pretty streetlights, the old architecture of downtown são paulo. it was a pleasant change, and there's always some kind of public program there—it constantly changes the landscape and makes me feel better about myself, the world, the job I hate, the friends who no longer fill my days with joy.

i was feeling crappy today. there are many changes happening in my life, things are getting harder, but i feel like i am stuck in some horrible place i hate being. everyone else is moving on; and i feel like a failure for staying here with nowhere to go.

but the sprinklers reminded me that the world changes. i changed my path; i changed my path; I worked overtime and had the chance to pass them at the same moment they turned on. today, i could have chosen the old, easier route. i did not. i saw the world, the trees, the skateboarders, the cyclists, the dancers, the people, the pavement, the water, the fucking sprinklers.

and i decided to make a big deal out of it with this journal entry.

today, the ipê flowers were also spinning and falling beautifully, but not as much as the other day. one of them also hit me on the head. they look delicate, but they have a noticeable impact.

i hope that next year I can see them spinning as hypnotically as last time. i hope I feel changed, or at least that I found something beautiful that was already here, hidden in plain sight.